If sex were shoes, I'd wear you out. But I wouldn't wear you out in public

dual purpose anal bead/stripper shoe

My bitch better have my money, Through rain, sleet, or snow,
My whore better have my money,
Not half, not some, but all my cash,
'Cause if she don't,
I'm gonna put my foot in her ass.

Believe it or not, I had several people who requested a visual of the anal bead shoe. I don't know why you would want or need both anal beads and footwear in one transparent package, but there, my friends, it is. I can only assume it is for the "'Ho on the Go".

Number 1

Anybody who would like to tell me how these two items belong like peanut butter and chocolate, I am down. As a matter of fact, any bitch who could tell me with any degree of creativity how these two items are properly joined in one awesome foot-to-ass package will be my new best friend for a whole week- with option to extend at the end of said week. That is 7 days of glorious wit and sarcasm, stripper shoe shopping, pole dancing and we *might* make matching friendship bracelets if shit goes right. You know, don't force it. All you needy bitches out there had better get started writing rough drafts. I like it tight, so Kegel up that writing sample. All submissions due by October 16th with friendship rights starting on October 21st at midnight.

Number 2

In the true and noble quest for my Spinderella slippers I have found three potential candidates. I have affectionately named them Number 1, Number, 2 and Number 3.

Now, Number 1 is a cutesy one with red roses in it. That one might just be too obnoxiously cute, but it's got my name all over it. I can't tell if the flowers are fixed in there or floating around. I don't know if I would like them moving around all the time.

Number 2 I think is really nice, not sure it's quite slutty enough and my aforementioned duck feet might be too wide for them and shoes with the little strappy things across the foot are not likely to stretch like many of the other tart shoes. It definitely meets the classy requirement.

Naughty Number 3 is an adorably sweet baby pink with a no-fucking-around-heel. I do like a nice slutty red, though. I would do a smoking hot pink, but I am not sure about the baby pink.   It has the stretchy bit across the top for my fat feet. Is it possible to make these hardcore- without anal beads? I don't want my stripper shoes to say, "I have a stupid Barbie fantasy that I can't get over"  I want to say, "You might need to sign a waiver because this bitch knows things".

Number 3

What do you think? Anybody seen anything that I should take under consideration? Here's your turn for shit I should like. You can comment below or on facebook.

Right now, I am so late to this party, but I am about halfway through Life Unexpected on Netflix and I love it. Check it out.