Friday, June 17, 2011

To.get.her together

So all of this prancing about like tart sounds like fun and all, but I just don't think it's for me. I need to lose 30 pounds first, I have a busy life and I am not sure I have the money. I have no fucking time for this. I have a stressful job, kids, a husband, no husband and I need to find one,  I need to get rid of one, I need a boyfriend, girlfriend, need people to just leave me alone, I have no social life because I have shit to do, I have no social life because I have shit on me, will these children ever be able to manage their own body fluids? When? Tell me there is hope!

I know the mom/wife/career (M/W/C) thing is important. It's important to me too. I can tell you that a good  M/W/C needs to recharge her battery. Everyone gets overwhelmed with the bullshit in life, even when it is caused by, or in an effort to, make happy the people we love and in pursuit of things or people we are proud of.

Those are really good reasons to take this class. Didn't you hear me? I said I was fat, broke and busy. What part of that sounds like booty shorts, spend money, take time for me?

First of all, having to lose weight before you exercise is really fucking silly and vain. If you live your whole life waiting to be perfect for the situation, it's all going to pass your ass by with or without the 30 pounds. When my boyfriend (now husband) said he was too old to go to school at 26 and get out of dead end retail jobs I told him this: You will turn 30 and 40 and 50 with or without an education. You can either get off your ass and go get it or shut up about wanting more out of your life and career. Silly him, married my ass after that :). Short story long, he went to school and graduated with a 4.0 because he wanted it, bad.  I gave him a swift kick in the dick, but he did the hard work after that. And so, dear readers, I submit the same to you. Your life will continue to march on toward death whether or not you lose the weight. If you want to lose some weight, then come on in and work your ass off. If you don't want to lose weight, come in to have fun. If you keep saying I can't X until Y, then you will always be waiting for what you want. For what it's worth, you don't have to wear shorts with your beaver peeking out. As long as they are above the knee, you're good.

Okay with the shorty pants. I am still broke. I know there are people who are genuinely, truly broke. I have been there. I am not asking anyone to skip out on their mortgage or decide not to feed their kids to come to pole class. BUT :) (never trust a big but and a smile), many people are not in a truly desperate situation. They are in a situation where they have to choose what they spend money on and what they don't. I won't try to tell you how to spend your money, I just hope that sometimes you might forego something extra- a couple of cups of coffee, a manicure, a pair of shoes you don't really need even though they are on sale- and spend the money with me instead. I think dancing with us is a great value when you consider it is a social event, an evening with adults, a huge self-esteem booster and exercise all in one. I repeat, I am not asking for you to starve your kids or get evicted. It's your choice, I just hope you choose me sometimes.

Still with me? Not too busy to finish reading this post? Busted! Ha! An hour and a half is a lot of time. You can do laundry, make dinner, do the dishes, watch a movie or have sex in an hour and a half. Hell if your life is really sad, you might be able to all of that in an hour and a half and you won't even have to choose one. If you can do all of those things in an hour and a half, you really, really need us. Seriously.

In our society, we have moved women from the home into the workplace, which is great. I like using my brain. I am sure you do too. Sometimes more than others, but I digress. We share in the earning, but in many cases, we are taking on most of the other responsibilities as well. I am among the lucky few who has a husband who does way more than his fair share of kid/house duties. I don't think there is anything wrong with asking the beneficiary of your lap dances, a babysitter, or your parents to look after your kids for an hour and a half a week. It is crazy how much an hour and a half a week can change how you see yourself, how you view the week, your life and on and on. It is something to look forward to.

This is truly a place that no matter what your size we will support you. I do not wear shorts outside of class, but I wear them in class. It is nice and dark in there and many of the women have to go buy shorts to wear to class because they are well beyond the booty short stage in life. Really, you only need shorts that go at least a few inches above your knees. As for the 30 pounds? Well, it isn't going to come off just by bitching and hiding. I know, I've tried.

 I hope I have convinced you to try it at least once. I think ideally you'd need 3 classes to get a real sense of what it's like, but give us one hour and a half and then decide. I promise you won't feel like you wasted your time, money or leave feeling worse about yourself- the future is up to you. Consider your dick kicked, your move, bitches, your move!

Piece out

Sunday, June 5, 2011

and now for a break from our regularly scheduled programming

I watched a movie yesterday called The Gymnast, which bore an uncanny similarity to the philosophy of our dance classes. It isn't a bitchy, sabotage your competitors sort of movie. I can't say I totally agree with all of the things that happen in the movie, and I can't reveal those without spoilers, so I'll shut my cockholster about that.

So why do you care that I watched a movie? Because you should watch it too. I understand that you don't go to pole dance class, or lurk on pole dance blogs to get movie reviews, but you are getting one anyway so deal with it. I promise you'll see the value in the story whether you actually commit the time to watching it. Though discussing the inane goings-on of my non-stripperesque life was never the intent of this blog, and still isn't, I found something valuable in it and you can shove it up your twat if you don't like it, though, since I watched it on Netflix, that might be a bit theoretical, but if you bought it on DVD, you could still shove it in your twat, but it might be unwieldy, but not if you rented it because no one wants a twatted dvd, well some people do, anyway use your judgment on that. Enough talking about your twats, very clever of you to distract me...

So what's the damn movie about already? It's about a woman in her early 40s who has a accomplished a lot of things and has a nice home but is unsatisfied. She has maintained an extraordinary level of fitness and continues to try to push herself and hasn't found her direction. She wanders in to a gymnastics studio and observes for a few minutes, but the classes are all little girls, so she leaves. The teacher sees her walking out and runs after her saying that she has something that is much more interesting that a girls' gymnastics class, gives her an address and a time.

When she shows up at the mystery location, the women are learning how to do aerial dancing (like cirque du Soleil) big strip of fabric hanging down from a very tall ceiling and they climb up it and wrap it in a specific way so they can twirl and roll down it. It is really neat to watch, and the movie is worth watching for this part alone. They have a non-competitive environment that is encouraging woman-centered and the dancing is athletic and beautiful.

Sounds gay. Well, in a word, yes. It is gay. It is a movie that contains lesbians.

I don't eat snatch, so I don't think I want to watch that move. The lesbian relationship is one of the themes of the movie, but not the only one. It is not a porno and if you are looking for a skin flick, this isn't it. I think too many people reject gay films because they contain gay themes. We don't think of all of the other movies as "hetero" films and this one should be seen because it is a good movie, not because it is a gay movie. It is not the best movie I've ever seen, but the environment they create in their small aerial class is worth seeing and aside from the developing lesbian relationship, is much like the environment I see in our class. If you are still not convinced, at least check out the images from the movie.

Congratulations if you made it this far. I promise this will not be a lame-ass movie review site. Why did I waste my time telling you about a lesbian movie that you will not likely watch? Yesterday I watched The Gymnast, then went to stripper class. During the course of the class, I spoke to one girl who is training her ass off, or perhaps more accurately, training her ass on, to do a figure competition, which is a competition where women wear bikinis and show the definition in their muscles. As I was talking with her about her progress and training, I turned to another woman who would probably be really interested in such a thing as she's incredibly fit as well and got the two of them talking about the competition and training.

Who knows where that will go for them, but it is possible that our little pole dancing class has given these two women an opportunity to workout, have fun, be sexy and find a new friend and another avenue to embrace being a woman, a friend, fitness freak and express a form of womanly athleticism that is expressed in a totally different way. I love that this class brings strong, intelligent women together and teaches them to support each other in all the areas of their lives. That supportive environment encourages them to share, sometimes about outside interests, sometimes about problems, sometimes about jobs that are open or products/services that they have heard of. Had I not been truly, genuinely interested in what I'd heard about this figure competition and had I not thought of the body type and interests of another woman, this may not have happened.

So it's like one big aren't- you-fucking-fabulous jerk-off session about how great you are and everyone's life is empty without you? Yep. Well, okay, not really. I am definitely not the only woman who has made connections through this class and all I did was care about their lives and interests and put them together.

All right I'll watch the fucking movie already, where can I find it? I found it on my Netflix instant queue. It's available for streaming, so you don't have to wait for a DVD.  I don't know where else it is available.

Piece out