I have openly shared (not the same as sharing my opening) and don't mind admitting that I have struggled to lose weight. I am working hard, but making slow progress. I am proud of who I am, but I'm still working on being as happy with how I look. Occasionally, I will teach classes when Adena is sick, on vacation, or just needs a break. It has only happened a few times because most women aren't this cunty, but there have been a few occasions where a woman will walk in to a class I am teaching and assume that my (big) butt can't teach her anything.
I am, as I have said before, not a scrawny girl. I am a size 12 now, down from a 16, but I taught classes at size 16 too. I am sure many more girls thought this and didn't say it out loud and one or two girls decided not to take a class with me and left. We all make choices about what our money gets spent on every day. Is this coffee worth the money? Is that gallon of lube a bargain at 10% off with 40% more free? That is a lot of fucking math, but I think that works out to getting your axle greased for half off. Too bad I made that whole analogy up or I'd totally throw a link up to that shit.
To have someone look at me and say that she didn't know I'd be teaching and wants to know whether I am planning to charge the same price as the regular teacher, whether she should be charged for the class at all, and as a matter of fact, she thinks she might need to get a free class with the regular instructor to make up for it as well is humiliating. Totally, horribly, humiliating. That is the part where if I wore earrings, I'd be snatching them out of my ears and repeating,"take my earrings because I am about to cut a bitch" to no one and everyone all at once. No one likes to be looked at, judged, and then called out to be of lesser value, possibly worth no value at all, and further so completely unacceptable as to require punishment of the regular teacher by getting a free class from her as well.
Who the fuck was this bitch? This was someone who had seen me in class, but she'd never seen me lead the class. Had this been my class I'd have told her to piss up a rope and feel the pissy dribble (10 points if you know what song that refers to, 5 points if you didn't but thought it was funny), but this was not my class. This was Adena's class and her livelihood. You can't fuck with how a bitch earns. So, I gather up every bit of self-control and i think I probably borrowed some as well and invited her to stay and see how she likes it and make her decision at the end. I must have looked like some psychotic Stepford wife.
To her credit, she didn't have a sour puss attitude and she participated and really enjoyed the class. At the end of class she gave me a hug and said how she'd had a great time and had a good workout. I think the fact that she stayed and enjoyed it really helped alleviate the pole hickey my pride had, but being judged in the first place hurt a lot and the fact that she liked the class and said I was good enough helped, but it doesn't completely take away that understanding that I have to be well above average to be accepted. I know her better now and I don't think she realized how insulting that was. She was just looking out for the fact that some chubby chick was making off with her hard-earned scratch and may not be able to provide the type of experience she wants to pay for.
The best part was the next week when she told me she couldn't walk for days and was so sore she could hardly move. I think that when I teach classes I sometimes feel like I need to overcompensate, especially when I am teaching a class where at least a few of the women can do things I can't. I have learned to have more confidence in who I am and what I do. I don't know of many women who couldn't learn something of they shut their cockholsters and listen for a minute. That, of course, includes me. I think bigger women are drawn to me and I like being someone to aspire to, even if it comes with a little hasty judgment sometimes. Someone where people can see with their own eyes that a bigger girl can do things that they don't believe are possible. I can gesture to all of this and say I can do it just like I am and you can too.
So, if you see me teaching class, watch out bitches because you will feel like a $2 whore with 300 bucks in her pocket all goddamn week when I am done with your ass, no matter how big or small it is.
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